Ahmad Fikry, Sailor

yes, its hard :'(

the last time i cried so bad was.... when you left me for the very first time.

i can't explain how bad it hurts right now.

6 months? i can't even last for a day. i feel so shitty, like fucked up.

yes, i know you want to see me smile. but i can't. i can't bring myself to. life sucks so bad right now. all i can think about is you, ahmad fikry. nothing else can bring my heart & mind away from you. Your wide smile which never fails to go down. the last time i saw you, you were smiling away like how you always do. and i want to see that right now.

i miss you so so so so much. please, i just want to hear from you so badly right now.

love you dear

"if you fall asleep down by the water, baby i'll carry you all the way home"

what should i get for you my dear?

sailor boy.

yes its tuesday and you're sailing off this friday at 8 am :(

i want to send you off at the same time i don't want to. i'm stuck.

perhaps i should ask you. i want to see you for the last time before you sail for fucking 6 months.

it has become a habit for me to call you every night. what will happened to me? perhaps i will write to you every night in substitute to the late night calls.

i don't want friday to come, i really don't. but i can't stop time, i can't control anything. i feel so hopeless, i need someone to pick me up.

i feeling so emotionless nowadays because of you. i'm so sensitive when it comes to you yknow? and because of that we wasted a lot of precious of time :'(

if only you know how i feel right now. i hope there's still time.

off you go to sail

finally, you've received news. news which i never wanted to hear from you. the date that i have been dreading for its finally here. only a week more to go. can somebody please tell me what to do? i'm lost. i have no idea why i'm giving you the cold shoulders right now. i just don't know what to do and how to react. i can't concentrate >:( i have my very last paper tomorrow and i have not even study, AT ALL!

i'm about to give up everything which i have been holding on so tightly. i thought you will never leave, but i was wrong. i don't feel like doing anything anymore. i don't feel like trying anymore. what's the point? you should probably enjoy yourself right now without me.

"i not petty what, i not petty what" :>

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONNY!

i'm glad i don't have any exam tomorrow, i really need a break from all this studying :| away from my books, notes.

Anyway, i had so much fun with nadvilla today :) magic mushrooms and magic portal ftw!

i feel so magical today, teeeheeehee.

let's do it tnight

at least let me pass today's paper :( i don't want to flunk any of it. its only the start of my 2nd year, its the first mst, its suppose to easy, i'm suppose to score like how i did. perhaps i should start reflecting on myself. and yes, i have been telling myself that but what's the point? i'm not even listening to myself. maybe i need to learn the hard way. but... i cannot afford to :( i don't want to disappoint the people who cares. i need to motivate myself, i need to find some motivation. instead of grumbling here, i should be making good use of the time. come on, yishan.

gah

seeing people turning in now is making me depress :'(

should i continue tomorrow? hmm..

i've still got 2 more chapters to go. ahhh 2/3 more to go, lol.

i think i complete chapter 1 before heading to bed. Its chapter 1 right? its suppose to be a easy and fast chapter :)